Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Night of terror in Mumbai

Woke up this morning to the horror enfolding in Mumbai. You can't even say "it's like a war zone" it is a war zone with ordinary people being killed before they could even comprehend what's happening. In a selfish way, after making sure one's dear and near ones are safe you watch the images on TV with growing numbness. See policemen without body vests scramble around trying to bring some semblance of order. You see the picture of the ATS chief donning a bullet proof vest only to hear a little latter he has been shot down. Injured being dragged out, smoke and fire and you wonder what happened to the city I grew up in. Which shaped my mind and thoughts, which gave me the confidence to say if you have lived in Mumbai you can survive anywhere!! No, not in negative manner, but that the city infused you with spirit and an undefeated "go get them" attitude. I know its universal that things and places change, you yourself and people move on but for me Mumbai will always be "my city" and just as I say a prayer for my family I say one for families of others, known and unknown- be safe.

There must be something in the air- my past seems to be hit by storms of misfortune. In Bangkok violence escalates and airports have been shut down....whats happening???? Is there a pattern, a prediction that the world is falling apart or has it already happened and nobody quite told anyone, including me.

Mohit's company was supposed to announce the merger with the Indian company today but being sensitive to what's happening have decided to keep quite for a few days. Which makes me wonder about our decisions again. Are we right about the move back to India even if for a few years. Its physical exhausting, obviously much more a security risk than being Melbourne, an emotionally upheaval (for Jai who is stressing about how he will have to make new friends all over again), professional for me damaging.....long distance PhD'S???....well we all know the story on that. As I struggle to answer these questions I wonder why someone does not give me the answers..... if you can please, please do.

The only answer I find when I look at the back of my mind.... and believe me I don't go their often. In some strange way I feel I owe a debt. To the place that most significantly contributes to "who I am" and "what I am". To people who love and accept me....warts wrinkles and all.... and if I do not acknowledge this now, my children will never feel the need to acknowledge me in their quest to find out who and what they are. Does that make any sense ......

So while Mumbai burns and Bangkok hovers on the edge...we have a date to leave Melbourne-4th January 2009. Inshalllah (love that phrase)/god willing.

In between mayhem and madness....Radhika

Sunday, November 16, 2008

All thats happening....go with the flow

Okay I know I had promised that I would not fade away with this blogging thing but honestly just so much is happening that its a challenge just to keep up with tying my shoe laces!! Anyway there a couple of things which need to be reported on ..... maybe just so it puts things in perspective for me.

On the PhD front..... oh man this is depressing stuff. You know how all things are going rah rah rah... so very good and every one keeps saying the document's really really good and the presentation was brilliant and there's going to be no problem ....and then splat! you fall face down. The independent examination panel had some issues with the theoretical framework and methodology but what their comments were I am still waiting to hear.

There was lots more of my ranting on this but Aneela has censored it lest I get "dooced".

On the move front.... Yes, seems like its "moving" time again. Just as we were settling down and feeling comfortable SKM has offered Mohit, Delhi. Was for a moment tempted to be a "plodder" and just say no but of course as Didi (wiggling that finger at me) says "you can't be a plodder"(yes I can, yes I want to be ..... please let me be). So yes it is, I think, the right move in Mohit's career, mine's down the drain anyway. It also meant being with "family" and letting Jai and Vir connect to the "roots" in the dust and chaos of New Delhi. It also leaves a small window till 2012 to get back to Australia if we choose to. But like I said que sera sera....whatever will be will be..

Which brings me to the question if Jai is going to think that he had a rich and exciting childhood of living in different countries or hate us for uprooting him all the time. Are we taking advantage of his sunny disposition and ability to make friends. What if he was a shy child who took time settling, would my decisions be the same??? I don't ever think I will be in a position to say I made all the the right choices for my children.... probably all I will be able to say is that I love them and thought I was making the right choices. Hope that works.

Be back shortly ..... this time I mean it