Woke up this morning to the horror enfolding in Mumbai. You can't even say "it's like a war zone" it is a war zone with ordinary people being killed before they could even comprehend what's happening. In a selfish way, after making sure one's dear and near ones are safe you watch the images on TV with growing numbness. See policemen without body vests scramble around trying to bring some semblance of order. You see the picture of the ATS chief donning a bullet proof vest only to hear a little latter he has been shot down. Injured being dragged out, smoke and fire and you wonder what happened to the city I grew up in. Which shaped my mind and thoughts, which gave me the confidence to say if you have lived in Mumbai you can survive anywhere!! No, not in negative manner, but that the city infused you with spirit and an undefeated "go get them" attitude. I know its universal that things and places change, you yourself and people move on but for me Mumbai will always be "my city" and just as I say a prayer for my family I say one for families of others, known and unknown- be safe.
There must be something in the air- my past seems to be hit by storms of misfortune. In Bangkok violence escalates and airports have been shut down....whats happening???? Is there a pattern, a prediction that the world is falling apart or has it already happened and nobody quite told anyone, including me.
Mohit's company was supposed to announce the merger with the Indian company today but being sensitive to what's happening have decided to keep quite for a few days. Which makes me wonder about our decisions again. Are we right about the move back to India even if for a few years. Its physical exhausting, obviously much more a security risk than being Melbourne, an emotionally upheaval (for Jai who is stressing about how he will have to make new friends all over again), professional for me damaging.....long distance PhD'S???....well we all know the story on that. As I struggle to answer these questions I wonder why someone does not give me the answers..... if you can please, please do.
The only answer I find when I look at the back of my mind.... and believe me I don't go their often. In some strange way I feel I owe a debt. To the place that most significantly contributes to "who I am" and "what I am". To people who love and accept me....warts wrinkles and all.... and if I do not acknowledge this now, my children will never feel the need to acknowledge me in their quest to find out who and what they are. Does that make any sense ......
So while Mumbai burns and Bangkok hovers on the edge...we have a date to leave Melbourne-4th January 2009. Inshalllah (love that phrase)/god willing.
In between mayhem and madness....Radhika